“The real purpose of a relationship is about two people coming together
to serve the growth and evolution of each other’s soul.” ~ Kute Blackson
As social beings we have innate, deep rooted needs to connect with others. We want acceptance, approval, intimacy, validation, compassion, empathy, belonging, and love.
Yet, one of the hardest parts of living can be relationships, especially romantic relationships. Gay, straight, polyamorous, polygamist, etc. All relationships suffer problems.
Try with all your might, you just can’t seem to resolve the issues within the relationship.
Arguments happen over small things, while the major issues continue to be ignored.
You fight about the dishes, your mother-in-law, the kids, finances, but really all you’re looking for is to feel heard, to connect and to be seen by one another.
Relationships can aid in our growth, our evolution.
Relationships help us reach our best selves, or
They can also help us understand our own limits and boundaries when we’ve been pushed past them
One of the most important parts of couples therapy is finding a rhythm.
Sometimes each partner has things they want to get out, they have just been waiting for the safe space to release, which tends to result in wasting sessions arguing. Conversely, one or both partners may be fearful of the process or what may come of the sessions, so they hardly speak at all.
Having the right therapist makes all the difference.
You need someone who will refrain from taking sides, remain non-judgmental, and work towards your goals as a couple and not insert their own. This is where I thrive. I’m also not afraid to jump in and effectively manage tension, as well as allow for cathartic, emotional moments to happen safely and effectively.
It’s a beautiful thing when two people make a commitment to share their lives with one another, but not many consider starting out with a strong foundation. Even if things seem to be going well, you’re both excited for the new chapter you’re starting, it can still be beneficial to check in and get some skills to make the most of all that lies ahead. I’ll help you identify ineffective patterns, areas to increase intimacy, how to release baggage of the past, boundaries to set in place ahead of time, and how to clarify what marriage means to you.
Relationship problems can make us want to avoid home. You may focus on work, or friends, or the kids in order to distract from facing the issues that have built up over time. Seething anger and resentment may have turned into painstaking apathy and indifference. Or, maybe you just want more out of the person you have chosen forever with.
You’ve reached that point where you can no longer just be roommates with the person you were head over heels about years before. Perhaps you feel it’s finally time to confront the pains of the past and create a new chapter for you and your partner once and for all. This can be due to infidelity, toxic dynamics, growing apart, lack of emotional and/or physical intimacy, or truly struggling to hear and see one another. It takes courage and vulnerability to address painful experiences, to pull back the blindfold and start healing.
If the goal is to work through past hurts or improve your satisfaction with the relationship, let’s rebuild it into something better than you ever could have imagined.
You may come in already knowing that it is best to go your separate ways and just don’t know how to do this effectively, especially if there are kids involved. Maybe you have reached the point of no return, finding that staying in the relationship is stifling you, worsening your mental and emotional health, or compromising your quality of life. Perhaps you’re seeking a safe space to inform your partner of your decision and need support. You may even be seeking a “last ditch attempt” to save your marriage/relationship. If this is where you’re at, let’s work together to create a smooth transition, find greater clarity, and heal while growing into a new chapter.
Barriers to getting started…
I often speak with potential clients who are on board to begin, yet their partner is hesitant, fearful that it may lead to separating or raise issues and emotions they don’t know how to deal with. Both of these are valid fears and will be addressed in the initial sessions. There’s a delicate balance in therapy of meeting client’s where they are at and accepting resistance, and pushing for change. There’s a reason learning psychology is both an art and a science.
Another is often the cost, and I like to encourage clients to consider this as an investment rather than a purchase. My aim is to get you in and out, whether that takes two months or two years, but to always leave you better than I found you. This will vary depending on the depth and extent of the issues, but if therapy doesn’t appear beneficial anymore, I won’t hesitate to recommend a change or a termination. Therapy isn’t meant to become a crutch and I will not become part of the relationship, my role will dwindle over time as you and your partner(s) learn to communicate more with each other and less through me.
What you will experience engaging in couple’s therapy with me
Sessions will mostly be held with both/all partners, and there may be times where I’ll need to meet with each one-on-one to gain a clearer understanding of personal background. Without realizing it, many issues stem from your family of origin, and as you work to build your own family, these are triggered. It’s helpful to know all individuals in a couple to best serve the couple.
While you will certainly reap the benefits of empirically based modalities such as The Gottman Method and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, I also like to be creative and work outside the box, especially when couples are stuck. I do employ experiential activities at times that aim to assess levels of trust, communication styles, and relationship dynamics. These are adventure-based counseling exercises that have clear goals in mind, but allow me to be more of an observer as to the functionality of the relationship.